Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Looking for some comfort....

Originally uploaded by with his gifts.
!!!!!VENT Warning!!!!!

You know sometimes there come a point when you are just so overwhelmed with life all you can do is see change. There is some much going on physically (I mean just right out in the open, in my face), emotionally, and spiritually. I feel like I’m being pulled in a million different directions in so many different ways. I’m just not sure how to react. There’s so much I want to do creatively, but for some reason I just can’t let it out. I’t like I look at where I once was with my art, my craft and I was so much more willing and eager to create. I can name a few reason for holding back but I feel like it’s deeper, and there’s a naggin tug in my heart that is saying you know why you can’t do this. It’s because part of you is still telling you that you just can’t do it. There’s so much more of me saying I want this, I want to make this or that. But the nagging is draing my energy to create, my willingness, my excitement. And it’s so aggravating to work a steadt job, and watch full time artist create pieces that you know you’ve thought of. I’m not saying they are stolen ideas, what I’m saying is if I go with my original idea and this artist come across me, will they think I’ve copied them. When really it’s just that I haven’t had the time to sit down like I want and create that piece. It happened to day I wanted to cry!!!!

I want to write more. I want to do more opinion pieces, short stories. But I don’t know where to start. I wanted to start another blog for this, but I got stuck on a name, I was hesitant to write, and now…. I just don’t know where to pick up the pieces. Do I just write here, I mean this is my creative blog. This is an extension of my creativity. Or do I start something else. Will people find me interesting, will they find me funny? Will they find me at all? I mean I just have things to say that I truly believe people will benefit from. How do I get it to them? Am I putting way to much pressure on myself or thought into what I’m trying to do?

I think I’m nagging me!!!! I’m my own problem. How do I stop that?

Well more sleep can’t be it, because I’m in the no sleep club for at least a few more months, babies days and nights are horribly turned around. I’m trying to read more. Encouraging words and thought, hoping to kick start something. I fall asleep. Every time I start this conversation with Ak we get so far off of the subject that we never really deal with any of my issues.

I just don’t know what do. I mean I know it’s me. I’ve been holding on the pictures of my new piece and not put them on etsy for fear that they just aren’t good enough to get the money that I’m asking. Iwas the same way at my first few festivals. As a matter of fact I have opted to not work shows because my friends weren’t setting up. Crazy, I know.

I think I’m nagging me!!!! I’m my own problem. How do I stop that? HAhAHAHAHa!!!

Well I’m off to try and figure something out. I have really been trying to visualize my current pics on etsy and everything is working out. I just have to get over my initial fear. Right!!! Well I’m off to pic up a few books on coaching and a book on personal behavior. Prayerfully this will help me get over my blocks.

Well Grace, Peace and Light to you all in you task for the day.

1 comment:

Lisa said...

I hear you loud and clear. I do the same thing to myself. Sometimes I put stuff on Etsy and then go pull it off and then I get a little confidence and go put it back. LOL I nag me all the time. You have so much to give and so much to express. I hope the baby starts sleeping pretty soon. Gosh, I remember those days. It is so hard to think when you never get any sleep. xoxoxoxo I'll be thinking about you.


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