Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Foundations For A Healthy Marriage Relationship, Part 1-Commitment

This is my final for my most recent class. I will be posting it in 3 sections. I'm posting this here on my blog as this is the type of work and counseling I would really like to move into. I really enjoyed the class, the material, and putting this paper together. I hope that you enjoy it a much as I and Beaux did. Let me know your thoughts.
Foundations of a Healthy Marriage Relationship-Commitment
by Candace C

The most important part of any marriage is a good foundation. A relationship like many other things is on shaky ground, without a foundation. A marriage relationship is not any different, in the sense that, in order to have a healthy marriage a foundation has to be laid. A foundation of constant nurturing in commitment to one another and the bigger picture. Nurturing of communication between partners. And nurturing of the intimacy in the relationship.

Commitment to one another is a much more broader function than the world tends to teach us when it comes to marriage. At first thought, commitment is being loyal to one another in a monogamous relationship. At a second glance we are taught that being committed is being supportive, understanding and open to our partners. Dr. Robin Smith points out in her book, Lies at The Altar that commitment goes so far beyond these two points. Commitment begins with the realization of self and being committed enough in your marriage to not lose yourself. Realizing that a marriage is a union of love between two unique individuals. Partners need to honestly ask if they are in love with their partner as they are now or do you love them for who you can pray, nag, or manipulate them into being.

Being committed also means understanding that you as a partner are no longer living by yourself; you're now living in a two-fold lifestyle (Lamb, 2009). Patience becomes a necessary emotion for a marriage to survive. There will be hundreds of situations every day that test the marriage. Tempers can soar, things will be said and will be remembered for a lifetime. A little patience goes a long way, and in some cases can save a marriage from collapse. Along with patience come gratitude. Gratitude is another emotion that's also needed for a good marriage. A spouses is not a slaves, they're a partners in life. If your spouse does something for you should take the time to let them know that the effort is appreciated. It's nice to feel appreciated for something that you've done.

In summary, commitment is the legwork of the mairrage. Marriage is not fifty-fifty. A strong marriage foundation is built when both partners put 100% into making their spouses happy, being in it for the long haul. This means that each partner needs to agree to not fight destructively, to commit oneself to keeping the funand friend ship in the relationship, and to make the relationship a safe emotional harbor (Markman, Stanley, & Blumberg, 2001). If "both" partners do this the marriage is sure to last. Treat your spouse better than you expect to be treated, and your marriage will blossom into a beautiful flower.

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