Monday, October 18, 2010

Foundations For A Healthy Marriage Relationship, Part 2-Communication

This is my final for my most recent class. I will be posting it in 3 sections, this is part 2 of 3. I'm posting this here on my blog as this is the type of work and counseling I would really like to move into. I really enjoyed the class, the material, and putting this paper together. I hope that you enjoy it a much as I and Beaux did. Let me know your thoughts.
Foundations For A Healthy Marriage Relationship, Part 2-Communication

Lack of communication is one of the primary reasons marriages fail. It is necessary that couples learn to communicate and listen to one another effectively. Communication of all the foundational skills is of most importance. There will be times in a marriage when spouses cannot help one another. There will always be times when all you can do for someone you love is listen. There will be times when all someone can give to you is a hug. It is estimated that when awake, we spend approximately 70% our time communicating, 30% of which is talking (The Reavive, 2009). This means that over half of our communication is non-verbal. It’s not what we say to our partners; it’s how we say it that can be the cause of communication problems. When communication between partners becomes strained or nonexistent, the entire foundation of the relationship is affected. Learning to communicate so that everyone involved feels heard is hard work and as a result so not being committed for the long haul, many couples are do not reach this level of understanding and issues become unresolved. Tension deepens leading to a lack of understanding and respect. In the end, this may lead to couples dissolving the relationship for lack of know how. While this temporarily resolves their problems, the same problem is bound to resurface in the next relationship. If one does not have a healthy way of expressing their thoughts and emotions to another, then everything else will ultimately crumble. Communicating effectively is a skill that can be learned.

There are 3 goals, in my opinion, partners should start out with and keep in mind when communicating. First, as part of their commitment to one another, partners should be honest with one another. If we want something, we need to say it. It sounds obvious, but how many hurt and angry couples end the relationship over, "he should have known..." or "she should have realized..."? How would he have known? How would she have realized? Did you tell him/her? Being able to express oneself in the small areas will lead the way to open and comfortable discussion in the bigger areas as well. Second, do not rely on intuition. It is a common assumption that prophetic power is proof of your spouse's undying love and devotion (Braverman, 2000). Let's destroy this myth right now. Tell your partner what it is that you want. His or her thoughtful response to your plainly expressed needs is a sign of their commitment. Third, and most importantly, listen to your partner. Sometimes, we are so caught up in hearing our has consumed us that we don’t realize that we haven't really been listening. If we would stop to listen, we would discover that our positions are not that far apart, and at times are not apart at all. By just listening, partners will be surprised by how much they learn and realize the pleasure of being able to express themselves freely.

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