Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Hi, my name is Candace. And I’m just me. I’m 25 a single mom. And I’ve just never fit in. How I really lost myself was when I was 12, my parents divorced, I was living with my mother, who I had grown up with, just wasn’t accustomed to ( my sister and I did everything with our dad). I figured if I did what she said and what she wanted me to do, she’d love me more. Well in the mix I lost me. If she didn’t approve I lost interest or buried the feeling. I stopped writing, drawing, and singing. Not too much of what I loved could be a career in here eyes, thus I grew to feel inadequate. Now, I have child to raise on my own, that is every bit of a free spirit. And I find that letting her be herself is hard at times because I’m like that’s not “right”. At 4 what’s really wrong with singing to yourself in your own room. So what if she talks herself to sleep. And when I ask with whom is she talk to she tells me “ME!” And now all my mother can say is,” She’s your child.” So why am I struggling to see myself in her? Why is it so hard to just be free? Because I want to be the example and she’s leading me. So I’m giving in. It’s taking time. I know I don’t fit a norm in my neighborhood, my job, or demographic. But I can’t stand by and preach freedom to my child while I allow myself to continue being my own prisoner. My name is Candace, I’m 25. I can’t stay up past 9, I love painting, writing, cooking, being barefoot. I’m loud. Yes, I go to a Baptist Church and yes my dad is a pastor, yes I meditate and practice yoga, and read the Koran. I have 2 tattoos, and am working on the number 3. Yes I locs (dreadlocks), and yes I brush my hair. I listen to Jazz, Contemporary Christian, Gospel, Hip Hop, and Top 40 (I know all the words to Fergalicious). Give me some popcorn and a good movie or book and you may not see me for days. If you can’t love me fine. All that I ask is that you respect me. If you can’t do either just leave me alone please, because this is a Working Zone!!! I’m working on being ME! With love, Cande P.S. I was sparked!!! This was not a rant from the left. My favorite blog, with the glitterettes got me started today.